Look at the commercial offer from the outside
The CS should not contain dry facts about the product, but a solution to the client's problem. People don't buy a product or service - they buy something that will help them get closer to the desired result. For example, if you sell an antivirus program, the customer doesn't care about its features. The customer is interested in ease of use and reliable protection.
What to do:
Focus on a specific person
An important point: if you are writing a business proposal for a company, it should be based on the motives of a specific person, not the company as a whole. Different people work in teams with different goals: one wants to save money, the other wants to improve processes.
What to do: